And you were there,
standing on my doorstep,
frustrated and in tears,
I was the only one to care,
I was there.
I gave you my all,
Sorted out your issues,
done what you liked,
caught you from your fall,
I was there.
I took your crap,
You took it all out on me,
yet i stayed,
felt like i was in a mousetrap,
I was there.
You lied,
but I kept quiet,
and went along with your dreams,
held you when you cried,
I was there.
You took it all from me,
filch every last smile,
shoved away everyone who cares,
your stole my key,
I was there.
You’ve pushed me one step too far,
I am a human being,
it matters what I care,
So I’m heading for my car,
I’m not there.
I’m not a cow,
but you’ve stepped across the line,
and I can’t take it anymore,
Go on – take your bow,
I’ll never be there.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Friday, 23 April 2010
My Little Man
I have THEE cutest, and most GORGEOUS little nephew in the WHOLE world.
He's had his ups and downs, and has been so much - but he always triumps through ..My gorgeous little fighter!!
I have to add he's quite brainy too, even at 7 weeks old he can have a telephone conversation with his aunty Tee ;)
I Looove My Life!
Why do I always focus on negativity, and the things I'm quite frankly pants at! ..Because in all honesty - there are some things that I am pretty bloody good at!!
I have the most amazing friends,
I am on my way to becoming a great teacher,
I am a funny person - If not a little dizzy :P
I'm a lucky girl..and I should think that a little bit more.
..Because finally - things have all fallen into place, and you know what?! They are going my way :) I love it!!
Struggles.
So - I think it is good we can admit our errors, admit what we can't do, admit our struggles.
Lets face it; We all have them!! Whether something remotely small and tiny, or something massive and large which sticks out like a sore thumb. They are THERE. Now - it is up to one, if they are to ignore it - or to sort it.
I have to say from personal experience, I now follow the simple rules:
1. Admit
2. Defeat
which tends (and I hope) equals the equation;
Admit + Defeat = A very happy me!!
However, I know it is not always impossible to defeat completely yet we can defeat it from taking over our lives.
I haven't been in the best of health the last two weeks, My m.e. begins to play up this time of year - but this year I have no choice but to pick it, screw it, and bin it! (Or atleast send it into recycling ;))
It plays with me so much ..my mind, my strength and my soul. It makes me not feel like me, but it is always going to be there - I just have to choose whose going to be the boss. And this time - it is going to be ME.
So watch out - I'm coming out on top!
Lets face it; We all have them!! Whether something remotely small and tiny, or something massive and large which sticks out like a sore thumb. They are THERE. Now - it is up to one, if they are to ignore it - or to sort it.
I have to say from personal experience, I now follow the simple rules:
1. Admit
2. Defeat
which tends (and I hope) equals the equation;
Admit + Defeat = A very happy me!!
However, I know it is not always impossible to defeat completely yet we can defeat it from taking over our lives.
I haven't been in the best of health the last two weeks, My m.e. begins to play up this time of year - but this year I have no choice but to pick it, screw it, and bin it! (Or atleast send it into recycling ;))
It plays with me so much ..my mind, my strength and my soul. It makes me not feel like me, but it is always going to be there - I just have to choose whose going to be the boss. And this time - it is going to be ME.
So watch out - I'm coming out on top!
Saturday, 10 April 2010
Intensity.
Okaii - So another rant, but I have to let it out somewhere right?
Life is so stressful and intense right now. My own issues to sort, and a whole bundle of other people's like a farmer drowned with crops to harvest, and seeds to sew.
Having come back to uni, going from my relaxed home situation where I'm not afraid to say what I think, I have people to support me and helps me do things - where I dictate my own life, time and belongings. Coming back to this intense situation where you have so many people to account for, and you don't necessarily tell everyone the whole story because you fear they won't take it. Hard work!
Juggling your own issues, with a whole bunch of others people's too. The drama in these girls life is ridiculous - I think I'm more of a man myself but then again possbily a whole new species. I wish guys could really know how much they can affect one person - and stop using my friends for crying out loud. Yes they may ..I say may offer you things on a plate - doesn't mean you have to take it. We are born to flirt.
Nevertheless, I have come to the point where I need to add priority and order to my list of things to deal with. Do I sort my own problems out first - in order to help other people without being so stressed? Or do I slap on a smile, and hide mine whilst I sort out theirs?
I guess it's trial and error.
Lets hope for an immensely positive post next time! On a good note - I had a genuinely good weekend; fingers crossed I got my job, and have also met my penpal at last!
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
I Love it!
It is the best.
Something I fought so hard to get - spent hours trying to find, but there it was; dropped into my lap. So - It's not the easiest job but I love challenges, it interests me and it is immensely awarding.
You are a fantastic little person - an admiration. You constantly smile, and fight through everything - your disabilities never stop you and you shine so bright, that we forget they're there too.
I wish everyone could see past everyone's difficulties - we all have difficulties and are all worthy. Just because some are not visible, doesn't mean we do not have them. There is so much to see behind everyone's closed door - take me for example, there is so much more to my story that you don't know.
You make me smile when I walk through the door - I am prepared to overcome my fears to help you, I'd come with the drop of a hat. Yes - you can be difficult, but you are SO determined which makes me determined to give you all I can possibly give - the BEST.
When people think you can't do things because of your limitations;
- brush your own teeth
- create your own collage
- help do the housework!!
I will help you - because we managed. We managed to do them ALL, Every last one. You don't give up. You are so strong-willed and what will make you go SO far, I want to be with you on that journey.
You help me help others - I read some blogs EVERYday for ideas I can use with you, but also to share ideas that we use together. We are a network. We are one.
Thankyou for sharing your lift with me.
Something I fought so hard to get - spent hours trying to find, but there it was; dropped into my lap. So - It's not the easiest job but I love challenges, it interests me and it is immensely awarding.
You are a fantastic little person - an admiration. You constantly smile, and fight through everything - your disabilities never stop you and you shine so bright, that we forget they're there too.
I wish everyone could see past everyone's difficulties - we all have difficulties and are all worthy. Just because some are not visible, doesn't mean we do not have them. There is so much to see behind everyone's closed door - take me for example, there is so much more to my story that you don't know.
You make me smile when I walk through the door - I am prepared to overcome my fears to help you, I'd come with the drop of a hat. Yes - you can be difficult, but you are SO determined which makes me determined to give you all I can possibly give - the BEST.
When people think you can't do things because of your limitations;
- brush your own teeth
- create your own collage
- help do the housework!!
I will help you - because we managed. We managed to do them ALL, Every last one. You don't give up. You are so strong-willed and what will make you go SO far, I want to be with you on that journey.
You help me help others - I read some blogs EVERYday for ideas I can use with you, but also to share ideas that we use together. We are a network. We are one.
Thankyou for sharing your lift with me.
Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy
Isn't it typical, when you ask someone how they are (The whole standard "conversation" thing). And either they are not happy - or you aren't!
Espeacially with me and Miss Stokesey - What a joke eh?
Well..We have decided to document this landmark in our life - The day that we are BOTH. Yes - You heard me right; BOTH happy :)
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain
Espeacially with me and Miss Stokesey - What a joke eh?
Well..We have decided to document this landmark in our life - The day that we are BOTH. Yes - You heard me right; BOTH happy :)
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain
You Mess With My Head.
Do you want me?
Or Do you not?
Do I want you?
Or Do I not.
Oh My - What an indecisive world!
Or Do you not?
Do I want you?
Or Do I not.
Oh My - What an indecisive world!
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
Looking Back
I can't believe how much I've conquered. I can't believe how many times they've told me know - and how many times I've looked them in the eyes and told them YES. I can't believe how many times I'VE defyed the odds.
I've been through so much since last time this year - most stored in my memory, and hidden beneath my smile, but I've done it and done it good. I can't believe how much I've changed in the process and how much Ive gained. It's true - there's always a moral between each story, a rainbow behind each cloud.
I've also learnt so many things. Mostly about people. The biggest one being, No one sees beneath the skin - all they see is your problem. All they focus on - is the problem..Not you, not your personality, not what you could give to others and not what things mean to you. Actually, they mainly focus on themselves - How it affects THEM and what the consequences to THEM are. They go behind your back, they STAB you in the back - they make decisions without even getting to know you.
It was hard to face, and to be honest, I still face it, but I've got to the point where I think; Do you know what, I don't care what people think about me! I've got my friends, and I want people to love me for being me - and nothing else. Nothing more. Nothing less. I am, what I am and that is all I am ever going to be. I'm not fake like you, and I certainly can't lie and if you dont like it;- that's YOUR problem.
I think it is easier to say I came out on top - and was the better person.
So - enough of my R.A.N.T.I.N.G. I guess the moral of the story, and what I want to get out to people..is be YOU. You'll ALWAYS come out on top, it may not seem like it, and it may feel like such a long journey but you'll get there eventually.
You've just got stand up tall look them in the face and say...I'm that star up in the sky..I'm that mountain peak up high...hey I made it...I'm the words greatest!
Monday, 22 March 2010
Reflection.
Reflection.
Can I find myself, Where will I be?
Do I need some sort of key?
Or is life about creating myself?
Creating me.
The building blocks slot together.
One by one, it seems like they go on forever,
But wait..BANG! Stop.
There goes another person. Pop.
Its all too quick,
I only had a fast flick,
But you were gone,
An exploded bomb.
Except – did you come to warn me?
Help me to see
That all my memories slot together,
Make me, Me.
For what purpose I know not,
Could you see a longer plot?
Do we exist for other people?
Contribute to their rising steeple.
Only when the outside world is silent,
I hear the vibration,
Helps me find the lost location.
I can see clearly now.
Where I went right and wrong,
Like a ball – Ping, Pong.
Do I have to try to hide me?
Is this, the hidden key?
View other poems; http://veiledconnotation.wordpress.com/
Can I find myself, Where will I be?
Do I need some sort of key?
Or is life about creating myself?
Creating me.
The building blocks slot together.
One by one, it seems like they go on forever,
But wait..BANG! Stop.
There goes another person. Pop.
Its all too quick,
I only had a fast flick,
But you were gone,
An exploded bomb.
Except – did you come to warn me?
Help me to see
That all my memories slot together,
Make me, Me.
For what purpose I know not,
Could you see a longer plot?
Do we exist for other people?
Contribute to their rising steeple.
Only when the outside world is silent,
I hear the vibration,
Helps me find the lost location.
I can see clearly now.
Where I went right and wrong,
Like a ball – Ping, Pong.
Do I have to try to hide me?
Is this, the hidden key?
View other poems; http://veiledconnotation.wordpress.com/
Sunday, 21 March 2010
May we celebrate the life..
To,
The one and only,
We once sang together, "I'm loving angels instead" - but we didn't think it'd become so real, so soon.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, as your passing out - you'll be amazing as always!
"come to my Heaven
Well we all gonna have a ball
And every one you know is welcome
'Cos we got no gates or walls"
I still wanna hear that oasis, even all the way from down here; so keep singing mister!
Good Luck Smiley Pants Xx
The one and only,
We once sang together, "I'm loving angels instead" - but we didn't think it'd become so real, so soon.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, as your passing out - you'll be amazing as always!
"come to my Heaven
Well we all gonna have a ball
And every one you know is welcome
'Cos we got no gates or walls"
I still wanna hear that oasis, even all the way from down here; so keep singing mister!
Good Luck Smiley Pants Xx
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Thursday, 11 March 2010
11th March 2010
"One of the most difficult things everyone has to learn is that for your entire life you must keep fighting and adjusting if you hope to survive. No matter who you are or what your position is you must keep fighting for whatever it is you desire to achieve."
-George Allen
-George Allen
Some People
Some People know how to press my buttons.
Some People know how to reduce you to tears.
Some People know how to ruin your day.
Some People know how to break you.
Some People know how to undo all your hard work.
Some People know how to let you know that they've never cared.
Some People need to grow up.
Some People know how to reduce you to tears.
Some People know how to ruin your day.
Some People know how to break you.
Some People know how to undo all your hard work.
Some People know how to let you know that they've never cared.
Some People need to grow up.
School Placement
Placement was amazing! I was overswept by that feeling, that doesn't always happen - when you just walk in a place and feel instantly at home, you feel you can speak your mind, be yourself and feel comfortable in doing so. Full of people that love what they do - a pinnacle to their world, where their face lights up every time you ask, or they talk about it. Amazing kids, Amazing staff.
Now - I am the kind of person, I don't do paper. I don't do worksheets. Practical learning is the way forward, exciting learning, insteresting learning; for if you're not interested yourself, how can you expect the kids to be? And Bingo! Strategy is successful. However, I am not officially known as the masking tape queen - it is the way forward! So useful, in so many contexts (Yes I know - I am immensely cool..NOT!), but it was great for graphs nevertheless.
I even got onto teaching a whole class lesson. 30 year 6 kids (10-11 year olds) sat infront of your, staring as if you know everything a person could possibly know! I can tell you now - I certainly don't, but greek masks was something I could do. The kids worked so well, and were incredibily behaved. Lesson 1 - Success..so much for not needing to do this til Year 2.
I think the last line of my report pretty much sums up two weeks; "I am confident that Teoni will be an asset to the teaching profession once she has graduated. Well done!". It is nice to know that I've made a difference, even in that short time I was there ..Its like I've put my footprint on it, a stamp to say - I've been there.."I saw, I conquered, I came."
Maybe I could be a good teacher afterall?
Now - I am the kind of person, I don't do paper. I don't do worksheets. Practical learning is the way forward, exciting learning, insteresting learning; for if you're not interested yourself, how can you expect the kids to be? And Bingo! Strategy is successful. However, I am not officially known as the masking tape queen - it is the way forward! So useful, in so many contexts (Yes I know - I am immensely cool..NOT!), but it was great for graphs nevertheless.
I even got onto teaching a whole class lesson. 30 year 6 kids (10-11 year olds) sat infront of your, staring as if you know everything a person could possibly know! I can tell you now - I certainly don't, but greek masks was something I could do. The kids worked so well, and were incredibily behaved. Lesson 1 - Success..so much for not needing to do this til Year 2.
I think the last line of my report pretty much sums up two weeks; "I am confident that Teoni will be an asset to the teaching profession once she has graduated. Well done!". It is nice to know that I've made a difference, even in that short time I was there ..Its like I've put my footprint on it, a stamp to say - I've been there.."I saw, I conquered, I came."
Maybe I could be a good teacher afterall?
Thursday, 18 February 2010
The Homeland
It's like a constant roundabout, swinging round and round. No consistency. No frequency. You have some who are there for you, care about you - No matter what. Always on her priority list, that's my grandma. You have those, who don't want to know - never want to know; They try to buy you - yes it's nice, but slight hint - your time is more precious than anything you could EVER buy. Which leaves the inbetweeners - they just cant make up their minds;
You try your absolute hardest, do anything to please - but it doesn't work. One moment they want you, another you're chucked. Typical when it's the person you're closest to. I guess the saying goes "You take it out on the ones you love the most". Its all fine and dandy - but it makes you feel like crap. You want to punish them. You want to show them how it feels - a taste of their own medicine. You love them so much, that you can't. Yes - I look like a push over..but I care for you too much to be able to do that. I hate it. I do. I wish you could see how much I'm trying - don't want you to know the hurt you caused.
People. Can't live with them, Can't live without them.
You try your absolute hardest, do anything to please - but it doesn't work. One moment they want you, another you're chucked. Typical when it's the person you're closest to. I guess the saying goes "You take it out on the ones you love the most". Its all fine and dandy - but it makes you feel like crap. You want to punish them. You want to show them how it feels - a taste of their own medicine. You love them so much, that you can't. Yes - I look like a push over..but I care for you too much to be able to do that. I hate it. I do. I wish you could see how much I'm trying - don't want you to know the hurt you caused.
People. Can't live with them, Can't live without them.
Sunday, 14 February 2010
The horoscopes says...
Thursday 11th February 10; Today you may do something childish - a play in a park, a ride on a bike, then realise perhaps you shouldn't have done it afterwards.
The story begins...
Wednesday 10th February, its a sporties night - wednesday's are always sporties nights. To be particular, can't say it was one of my best nights out - mainly because I was barely intoxicated (yes - I hear you say..for once in your life). Now - I wouldn't say I'm a particularly outgoing individual, I probably have quite a sensible head really.
"Lets go swimming in the lake" ..Lake Windermere he's suggesting. "Go for it. I haven't used my wetsuit yet - When do you wanna go?" .."Tonight" He replies. My thinking he is joking, it is 2;30 in the morning! "Go for it. Lets go." ..."Go & Get your stuff then"
And the plan formulates..Off we go, all 4 of us + 1 (I think to make sure we don't drown) 3AM - We get to the lake, only two of us go in; Myself, a student teacher and then an outdoor studies dude. He takes two just two steps in - He should be used to it Whilst me - I am in above my knees. Tshh - Got to show the OS how its done eh?
An amazing night - One to remember. As for the horoscope - I'll let you decide :P
The story begins...
Wednesday 10th February, its a sporties night - wednesday's are always sporties nights. To be particular, can't say it was one of my best nights out - mainly because I was barely intoxicated (yes - I hear you say..for once in your life). Now - I wouldn't say I'm a particularly outgoing individual, I probably have quite a sensible head really.
"Lets go swimming in the lake" ..Lake Windermere he's suggesting. "Go for it. I haven't used my wetsuit yet - When do you wanna go?" .."Tonight" He replies. My thinking he is joking, it is 2;30 in the morning! "Go for it. Lets go." ..."Go & Get your stuff then"
And the plan formulates..Off we go, all 4 of us + 1 (I think to make sure we don't drown) 3AM - We get to the lake, only two of us go in; Myself, a student teacher and then an outdoor studies dude. He takes two just two steps in - He should be used to it Whilst me - I am in above my knees. Tshh - Got to show the OS how its done eh?
An amazing night - One to remember. As for the horoscope - I'll let you decide :P
The world so far..
is hectic hectic hectic.
Uni - an experience they say. That - it certainly bloody is!
Hospital trips, ambulances, falling outs, drunken nights out, but floods - well I am sure they don't feature too often?
Nightmare. You'd think it'd all go smoothly, they'd use their common sense but this university - well..they're in a whole new league. Don't get me wrong, they tried - and I guess that is what counts.
Just remember, there are ALWAYS positives in a negative situation and a positive situation this has turned out to be!
1. Stranded, no accomodation and on many occasions -> Meet some amazing people, and broaden my horizons and support systems.
2. Upsets -> You know who your real friends are, the ones you can always count on. ( I <3 yoou!!)
3. No choice situations, lumped with those you don't particularly get on with; You get to know people for who they really are, making great discoveries & friends in the making + gaining confidence in the process.
BUT the past is now the past, accommodation is ready, and WE'RE BACK. Wahoo! Don't get me wrong..there are still things to do like packing (ergh) but it is time to rest, chill and start over once again - here's to the future!
<3
Uni - an experience they say. That - it certainly bloody is!
Hospital trips, ambulances, falling outs, drunken nights out, but floods - well I am sure they don't feature too often?
Nightmare. You'd think it'd all go smoothly, they'd use their common sense but this university - well..they're in a whole new league. Don't get me wrong, they tried - and I guess that is what counts.
Just remember, there are ALWAYS positives in a negative situation and a positive situation this has turned out to be!
1. Stranded, no accomodation and on many occasions -> Meet some amazing people, and broaden my horizons and support systems.
2. Upsets -> You know who your real friends are, the ones you can always count on. ( I <3 yoou!!)
3. No choice situations, lumped with those you don't particularly get on with; You get to know people for who they really are, making great discoveries & friends in the making + gaining confidence in the process.
BUT the past is now the past, accommodation is ready, and WE'RE BACK. Wahoo! Don't get me wrong..there are still things to do like packing (ergh) but it is time to rest, chill and start over once again - here's to the future!
<3
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